As I breathe, I see,
As I see, I breathe,
As I talk, I listen,
As I listen, I talk.
As I watch, I understand,
As I understand, I watch.
As I feel, I grow,
As I grow, I feel.
As I change , I let go,
As I let go, I change.
RA
Copyright © 2020 Gourmet for the Soul – All rights reserved
Firstly bloggers and followers, apologies for my absence. I have not posted in a few days. I have been doing a little soul searching and some serious, intense work on myself. With my counsellor last week, I broke down a fairly serious dam which flooded me with a torrent of emotional trauma and memories I was very unprepared for. Perfect fodder for the writer but putting pen to paper did not happen. I wanted to write so much but the words just wouldn’t come together in any coherent manner, honestly I was struggling with the day to day so I took the time out. The anxiety was winning out unfortunately.
I felt like I was drowning a little and just decided to tread water until things in my ocean calmed a little. I was also working for my new role and doing some pretty tough training for that. So my mind was logical and fractured at the same time. And of course there is the Mammy and wife role which demands my energy also. I do not want this to be negative, I am lucky to be safe and healthy in this turbulent time. The ‘Invisible Demons’, I struggle with everyday just make things a little tougher. Sometimes I am not sure what has happened at the end of a day or where the day has gone. Time seems so fleeting, you try to trap moments and memories with your kids or something beautiful you notice, trying to slow down time’s engine. So the demons do not win.
I realise just writing this now is probably not making any sense, but the idea behind this blog for me was the transformative power of writing so annoyingly I am going to waffle on. I have always taught my students that waffles are only for breakfast, you should never use waffle in your writing. LOL 😂 I guess we are having waffles for supper this evening! A few pieces will follow this post, I hope they inspire you or open up something for you as they have done for me whilst writing.
Copyright © 2020 Gourmet for the Soul – All rights reserved
I am plagued by invisible demons,
and the demons of others.
Their mistakes and shame burn my flesh.
Invisible demons that,
swarm like flies on a hot summer’s day,
Persistent, irritating.
Invisible demons that,
Breathe alcoholic odors into your face,
With repetition and ignorance.
Invisible demons that,
Crawl like a ticking beetle on your skin.
Invisible demons that,
Corral your emotions and freeze your heart.
Invisible demons that,
Slowly and insidiously rip you apart.
RA
Copyright © 2020 Gourmet for the Soul – All rights reserved
My soul has been drowned by emotions,
They ebb, flow, then cascade.
Sometimes in the still, they are still too.
Shaded by the branches of everyday
tasks, so mundane they seem needless.
I cannot understand…….. when the fear comes,
It crashes over me and I panic,
It crushes my spirit,
It captures my soul, and I no longer breathe.
RA
Copyright © 2020 Gourmet for the Soul – All rights reserved
